“ABSALOM AND ABSOLUTE REGRET”
II SAMUEL 18:5-9, 15, 31-33

5 And the king ordered Joab and Abishai and Ittai, “Deal gently for my sake with the young man Absalom.” And all the people heard when the king gave orders to all the commanders about Absalom.
6 So the army went out into the field against Israel, and the battle was fought in the forest of Ephraim.
7 And the men of Israel were defeated there by the servants of David, and the loss there was great on that day, twenty thousand men.
8 The battle spread over the face of all the country, and the forest devoured more people that day than the sword.
9 And Absalom happened to meet the servants of David. Absalom was riding on his mule, and the mule went under the thick branches of a great oak, [1] and his head caught fast in the oak, and he was suspended between heaven and earth, while the mule that was under him went on.

15 And ten young men, Joab's armor-bearers, surrounded Absalom and struck him and killed him.

31 And behold, the Cushite came, and the Cushite said, “Good news for my lord the king! For the Lord has delivered you this day from the hand of all who rose up against you.”
32 The king said to the Cushite, “Is it well with the young man Absalom?” And the Cushite answered, “May the enemies of my lord the king and all who rise up against you for evil be like that young man.”
33 [2] And the king was deeply moved and went up to the chamber over the gate and wept. And as he went, he said, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

A friend of mine has a simple philosophy when it comes to the way you live your life. His philosophy is “No regrets!” He wants to live his life so that after everything is said and done he won’t have any regrets about what he did or didn’t do. By the way, this friend of mine is near and dear to your hearts even though you’ve never met him. I say that because this is the friend who taught me how to make all those gallons and gallons of lobster bisque!

No regrets! It’s a great way to live your life even if it doesn’t always work out that way. Unfortunately, no matter how hard you try there will be some moments of regret. There will always be moments when you feel the way a deacon felt after he updated the sign out in front of his church. Unfortunately, the updated sign didn’t just announce the subject for the sermon that week. People who saw the sign were surprised to read:

“What Is Hell?”
Come Early and hear our choir rehearse!

Do you have any regrets? Maybe you did something that you shouldn’t have done. Or maybe you didn’t do something that you should have done. If you are wrestling with any regrets then I can tell you that you and David have something in common. Regret is something that haunted David toward the end of his life. You can see David’s regret in the tears that he shed for his son Absalom. David shed those tears even though he and Absalom didn’t exactly have a great relationship.

You see David may have been a rich and powerful king but he wasn’t about to win any father o the year awards. David and Absalom didn’t have the same kind of relationship that President Kennedy had with his son John John. Shortly after Kennedy was assassinated it is said that John John asked William Haddad a question. Haddad was an advisor and one of Kennedy’s closest friends. John John, who was three years old at the time, asked him, “Are you a daddy?” When Haddad said that he was John John raised his arms and said, “Then, will you throw me up in the air?”

David’s relationship with Absalom wasn’t like that at all. In fact, Absalom actually hated his father. Absalom hated him so much that he tried to take David’s throne away from him. Absalom led a rebellion against his father and he came very close to succeeding. Things got so precarious that David actually had to leave the palace and flee for his life.

Now you could say that Absalom was an ungrateful son, but things were a little more complicated than that. You see the seeds of Absalom’s rebellion were planted many years earlier and David is the one who planted those seeds. It all started when Absalom’s sister Tamar was raped by their half-brother Amnon. When David heard about the terrible sin he didn’t punish Amnon. David basically shrugged his shoulders and said, “Oh well, boys will be boys.” That, of course infuriated Absalom. So, Absalom waited and waited. Then two years later, in his anger Absalom murdered Amnon and then he had to flee for his life. There’s a lot more to the story but you get the idea. David was the one who planted the seeds that led to Absalom’s rebellion and David knew it. How else can you explain David’s reaction when he heard the news that Absalom was dead. When he heard the news he went up to his room and cried out, “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

David was overwhelmed with grief. Look closely at that grief though and you find a lot of regret mixed in with it. Absalom is dead and David knew that it was his fault. It was his fault because David was the one who looked the other way when Amnon violated his sister Tamar. David was the one who made Absalom flee for his life when he decided to defend his sister’s honor. David was the one who later put Absalom under house arrest and made him feel like he was the bad guy.

“O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!” Those are the words of a man who is full of regret.
David is saying, “It’s all my fault. If I had been a better father none of this would have happened! I’m the one who should be dead, not you Absalom!”

Regret! David will tell you that regret is what you end up with when you stray from God and God’s path of righteousness. David didn’t do what was right in God’s eyes and in the end everyone paid for it. Tamar paid for it with her dignity. Amnon and Absalom paid for it with their lives and David paid for it with a broken heart.
So, what we can learn from the mistakes that David made? First of all thank God that you’re able to feel regret. The fact that you can feel regret means that you know something’s wrong and that some changes need to be made.

If you can’t feel regret then you could end up in a situation similar to the one that Ella Orko found herself in last week. Ella Orko was arrested by Chicago police for shoplifting. Now that in and of itself isn’t news. Unfortunately, people get arrested for shoplifting all the time. Ella Orko’s arrest was a little unusual though because Ella is 86 years old and she’s now been arrested 61 times. When Ella was arrested in a grocery store last week they found $250 worth of merchandise hidden in her clothes. The merchandise included wrinkle cream, instant coffee, batteries and smoked salmon.

Regret is a warning signal. It tells you that you’re out of synch with God and the way God wants you to live your life. Regret also reminds you that God’s way is the right way to live your life. That’s the message behind a saying that I saw a little over a week ago. According to the saying, “Man’s way leads to a hopeless end. God’s way leads to endless hope.” Or how about the church sign that was spotted a while ago over in England. The sign simply stated, “Some questions can’t be answered by Google.”

Behind the wisdom of that saying and the chuckle in that sign is the truth that God is the one who has the answers. Not Oprah. Not Dear Abby. Not the Harvard professors. Not the advertisers on Wall Street or the basketball players in the NBA or the politicians in Washington. As shocking as it sounds even Frank Sinatra was wrong when he sang the words to the song that was popular back in 1968. “Regrets I’ve had a few, but then again too few to mention….I did it my way.”

Well, I have news for Old Blue Eyes and everyone else for that matter. If you want to live a regret free life you need to live your life God’s way. Bubba Smith, the football player learned that regret is the warning signal that can get you back in synch with God and the way God wants you to live your life.

Bubba Smiths life changing moment of regret came many years ago when he went back to Michigan State to be the grand marshal in the annual homecoming parade. As he sat in the grand marshal’s car he heard students shouting the words from his beer commercials. One side of the street half-drunk students were chanting “Taste’s great.” On the other side of the street half-drunk students were chanting, “Less filling.” The drunken rowdiness got worse when they got to the game. After the game was over Bubba Smith told his manager that he would never do another beer commercial. Even though the commercials paid well Bubba Smith later wrote, “Doing those commercials, it’s like me telling everyone in school, ‘Hey, it’s cool to have a Lite beer.’ I’d go to places like Daytona Beach and Fort Lauderdale on spring breaks (as a spokesman for the brewery), and it was scary to see how drunk those kids were. It was fun talking to the fans, until you see people lying on the beach because they can’t make it back to their rooms…As the years wear on, you stop compromising your principles.”

Today is August 9, 2009. As you sit here in this peaceful sanctuary the question is simple. Do you have any regrets? Do you have any regrets about a relationship? Do you have any regrets about something that happened last week or last year? Do you have any regrets about where you are right now or where your life is going? If the answer to any of those questions is “yes” just remember this. Regret doesn’t have to be the end of the road. It can be the start of a turn around that puts you back into synch with God and the way God wants you to live your life. Amen.

Rev. Dr. Richard A. Hughes August 9, 2009