“ASKING 101”

MATTHEW 21:18-22

18  In the morning, when he returned to the city, he was hungry.

19  And seeing a fig tree by the side of the road, he went to it and found nothing at all on it but leaves. Then he said to it, "May no fruit ever come from you again!" And the fig tree withered at once.

20  When the disciples saw it, they were amazed, saying, "How did the fig tree wither at once?"

21  Jesus answered them, "Truly I tell you, if you have faith and do not doubt, not only will you do what has been done to the fig tree, but even if you say to this mountain, 'Be lifted up and thrown into the sea,' it will be done.

22  Whatever you ask for in prayer with faith, you will receive."

AND WHATEVER YOU ASK IN PRAYER, YOU WILL RECEIVE IF YOU HAVE FAITH.

One of the first things we learn in childhood—in infancy even—is to ask. Even before we can frame words, we learn to point, to indicate, to communicate by crying that we want a drink of water, a cookie, or a diaper change. Almost from the time our lives begin, we learn to get what we want: we ask.

Now you’d think this is a skill we’d retain, wouldn’t you? Asking. It’s very simple. You just open your mouth and say: “I want …” But actually, asking is a skill that many of us sort of mess up relatively early. We forget how to ask. So what we’re going to do this morning in the short time we have, is revisit the rudiments of asking—go back to the fundamentals—to see if we can sharpen our skills. Because asking is the prelude to getting what we want and it is often in the proper asking that we receive the payout—the job we want, the friendship we seek, the answers to the prayers of our hearts.

So we learn how to ask early … then … we unlearn.

When we are still little kids, “they” begin teaching us not to ask. Who are they? Our families, for one. Do you remember hearing any of these things?

“Stop bothering me.”

“I don’t want to hear about it now.”

“Are you whining again?”

“Oh, go ask your father!”

We also “unlearn” to ask in school. We find out that when we ask for an answer, we risk humiliation by looking stupid in front our classmates. Or if we ask for too many answers, we’re accused of being teacher’s pet—except the accusations are more graphically stated.

And we can even “unlearn” in Sunday school as we absorb lessons like: “it is more blessed to give than to receive.” So if we’re paying attention to this unlearning lesson, we may easily pick up the idea that asking for what we want is rude or greedy or selfish—in other words, generally unworthy.

And so, as we are unlearning to ask, we are also learning to be afraid of asking. Afraid of what? Of being reject or of being humiliated? Of being punished? And we learn that asking for help violates our sense of pride. Just ask any wife who has been in a car with a husband who refuses to ask for directions.

Did you recognize yourself in any of these examples? Have you “unlearned” to ask?  I hope not because asking can be a very good thing.

I think we’ll all agree that the works of Mother Teresa were nothing short of miraculous. Now how do you suppose a poor little nun from Albania, a woman who had taken vows of poverty and owned little more than her blue striped headscarb … how do you suppose she managed to accomplish all that she did? She asked for help. She asked for money. She never let up. She asked and asked and kept asking. And when the answer was no, she still didn’t stop. She just asked more people for more and she got people to ask for her.

Look at how politicians get elected. They ask for your vote. And they keep asking.

Several years ago I was involved in the Capital Fund Raising Campaign for this church. Now I’m pretty comfortable working with others on ideas and strategies but eventually we came to the inescapable crux of the campaign—the point where we had to ask individuals to give money. A lot of money. And this asking had to be face-t-face and one-on-one. At this point, I experienced something like panic. I was brought up by nice, middle class Protestant people who taught me that you didn’t discuss money—your own or anyone else’s. I don’t mind tell you that when I understood what was going to be necessary, and when I realized this wasn’t a job that other peope could do while I just sat there, I began waking in the middle of the night with panic attacks. But I discovered that I could ask—ask for money and nobody threw me out their front door (although I don’t know what they said about me after I’d one, but I decided I didn’t care—couldn’t care). I learned I could ask one person and then another person and then another after that. I learned that sometimes people would say no, but I also learned that most people said yes whey they were asked to give and that some folks gave surprising amounts to the campaign, simply because they’d been asked. So sometimes you ojust have to ask.

People want to be asked. Asked to give money … to get involved … asked to comment … asked for help.

While success isn’t guaranteed when you ask, there are many ways that boost the odds for success.  I’m going to suggest four.

First: Don’t let yourself be afraid to ask. If you find that you’re getting nervous, run the Catastrope Report; it goes like this: ask yourself “What is the worst thing that can happen if I ask?” When you have the answer, ask yourself: “Can I live with this?” If the answer is a clear no … well maybe you want to think a little more about asking. But if the answer is yes—and it usually is—go ahead and ask. How bad can it be? The thing is, you don’t have the thing you want now, so if the answer is no, what have you lost? Nothing.

Second: Ask correctly. Be clear about what you want. Know what you’re asking for and state what you want in simple terms. It doesn’t matter whether you are asking your boss for a raise or the bank’s loan officer for a better rate or your spouse for more help around the house or God for help with a problem that is weighing you down. Simply and clearly offer up a statement of what you think you need. No whining … no hinting around (as in “well, if you really loved me, you’d know what I need) … no guilt-tripping—just ask correctly.

Third: Ask with confidence and with the expectation that you will get what you’re asking for. Remember the lesson in faith that this morning’s scripture provided: whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive if you have faith.

And while we’re on the subject of asking with confidence, let me put in a word about result. Sometimes the answer to our prayer doesn’t quite look like what we have asked for, so try to be as open as possible to what comes when you ask, whether you are asking in prayer or asking another person.

Here’s a quick story the Russian writer Turgenev told. One day Turgenev met a beggar in the street who asked him for money. “I felt in my pockets,” Turgenev said, “but there was nothing there.” The beggar waited. His hand, which was outstretched and very dirty, trembled a little and twitched. Meanwhile, Turgenev was patting all his pockets and coming up empty and feeling more and more chagrined and embarrassed. Finally, he seized the beggar’s dirty hand and said: “Please don’t be angry with me, my bother, but I have nothing on me.” The beggar raised his head for the first time and looked into Turgenev’s eyes and smiled. “You called me brother,” he said. “That was indeed a gift.”

And finally and fourthly: Remember to say thank you.

Now up to now, we’ve touched rather lightly on the subject of asking through prayer. Let’s think about it a little more closely.

I believe God already knows the prayer of your heart. So we don’t have to keep asking and asking.  Remember, we don’t want to nag. But if youSt. Augustine said there are only two prayers: “Help” and “Thank you”. If you find you have some trouble praying for things you want, it may be useful to remember St. Augustine’s advice. Simply sit down, compose yourself for a few moments, opening your mind and heart to the Holy Spirit, who is our guide and connection with God, and pray: “Help.” That’s all that’s necessary, really. The prayer for help guaratees and answer. So pray Help, then allow the answer to come to you. Let it in. Remember Tugenev’s beggar and understand that the answer may not look exactly like what you asked for, but it will be what you need. And also remember that the answer may not arrive instantly like a phone call but it will come. So ask with the faith that you will receive.

And don’t forget to say thank you.

Nancy Parsons

August 5, 2007