“TWO WRONGS WILL MAKE A FIGHT”

II SAMUEL 18:5-9, 15, 31-33

5  The king ordered Joab and Abishai and Ittai, saying, "Deal gently for my sake with the young man Absalom." And all the people heard when the king gave orders to all the commanders concerning Absalom.

6  So the army went out into the field against Israel; and the battle was fought in the forest of Ephraim.

7  The men of Israel were defeated there by the servants of David, and the slaughter there was great on that day, twenty thousand men.

8  The battle spread over the face of all the country; and the forest claimed more victims that day than the sword.

9  Absalom happened to meet the servants of David. Absalom was riding on his mule, and the mule went under the thick branches of a great oak. His head caught fast in the oak, and he was left hanging between heaven and earth, while the mule that was under him went on.

19  Then Ahimaaz son of Zadok said, "Let me run, and carry tidings to the king that the LORD has delivered him from the power of his enemies."

24  Now David was sitting between the two gates. The sentinel went up to the roof of the gate by the wall, and when he looked up, he saw a man running alone.

25  The sentinel shouted and told the king. The king said, "If he is alone, there are tidings in his mouth." He kept coming, and drew near.

26  Then the sentinel saw another man running; and the sentinel called to the gatekeeper and said, "See, another man running alone!" The king said, "He also is bringing tidings."

27  The sentinel said, "I think the running of the first one is like the running of Ahimaaz son of Zadok." The king said, "He is a good man, and comes with good tidings."

28  Then Ahimaaz cried out to the king, "All is well!" He prostrated himself before the king with his face to the ground, and said, "Blessed be the LORD your God, who has delivered up the men who raised their hand against my lord the king."

29  The king said, "Is it well with the young man Absalom?" Ahimaaz answered, "When Joab sent your servant, I saw a great tumult, but I do not know what it was."

30  The king said, "Turn aside, and stand here." So he turned aside, and stood still.

31  Then the Cushite came; and the Cushite said, "Good tidings for my lord the king! For the LORD has vindicated you this day, delivering you from the power of all who rose up against you."

32  The king said to the Cushite, "Is it well with the young man Absalom?" The Cushite answered, "May the enemies of my lord the king, and all who rise up to do you harm, be like that young man."

33  The king was deeply moved, and went up to the chamber over the gate, and wept; and as he went, he said, "O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!"

Two wrongs don’t make a right.  What they will do though is make a fight.

Unfortunately, that’s doesn’t seem to bother people these days.

That’s because people these days are a lot more belligerent and bellicose.

They’re a lot more confrontational and combative.

The motto these days is do unto others before they do unto you and if they’ve already done unto you, then you give them back double what they did unto you.

Maybe you can remember a moment when you’ve wanted to do that with someone.

Sometimes you get frustrated and you want to really let someone have it. That sense of frustration can be seen in cookie recipe that a mother wrote down one day. The recipe went like this:

“Preheat oven, but first check for rubber balls or plastic “He Men” that might be lurking inside. Clear counter of wooden blocks and racing cars.  Grease pan. Crack nuts. Measure flour…Remove Johnny’s hands from the flour.  Re-measure flour. Crack more nuts to replace those Johnny ate. Sift flour, baking powder and salt.  Get broom and dustpan.  Sweep up pieces of bowl Johnny knocked on floor.  Find a second bowl. Answer doorbell. Return to kitchen. Remove Johnny’s hands from bowl. Wash Johnny. Answer telephone.  Return. Remove half inch of salt from greased pan. Call for Johnny. Look for Johnny. Give up search. Grease another pan. Answer phone. Return to kitchen. Remove Johnny’s hands from bowl. Remove layer of nut shells from greased pan. Sternly turn to Johnny, who knocks second bowl off counter while running away. Wash kitchen floor, counter, dishes and walls. Call bakery. Place order. Take two aspirins. Lie down.”

Sometimes it’s hard not to loose your patience.  It isn’t just parents and kids either.  It happens to husbands and wives, sisters and brothers, students and teachers, friends and neighbors. It also happened to David and Absalom.

It all started when Absalom rebelled against his father. Absalom gathered a small army and for a while it actually looked like Absalom was going to win.  David was forced to flee from his palace and go into hiding.  Eventually though David regrouped and defeated his treacherous son.  Now you might think that David was the one who won their battle of wills.  David didn’t sound like a winner though when he was told how the battle went.  Instead of jumping for joy when he learned that Absalom was dead David let loose with a gut wrenching wail. “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

Does that sound like a winner to you? It doesn’t sound like a winner to me.

After everything was said and done it’s clear that both of them lost. Absalom lost the battle and his life. David won the battle but he lost his son and ended up with a broken heart.

That’s what happens when you fight like that.  There are no winners. Everybody looses.  It’s a simple truth that you can see it all the way from the missiles that are flying back and forth between Lebanon and Israel to the bully down the street.  Everybody looses.

It doesn’t have to be that way though.  You don’t have to go down that path that leads to a lot of black eyes and broken hearts for you and everyone else. You see there’s a lesson to be learned from the mistakes that were made by David and Absalom. Now it’s important to realize that both of them made some mistakes. That’s because it’s tempting when you look at what happened to decide that David was the good guy and Absalom was the bad guy. David was the loving father and Absalom was the ungrateful son. It wasn’t that simple though. You see, it’s true that Absalom betrayed his father, but it’s also true that David wasn’t a very good father.

That’s because the seeds of Absalom’s rebellion were undoubtedly planted many years earlier when David did something that infuriated Absalom. Actually didn’t do something would be more accurate.  It all started when Amnon, one of David’s other sons, sexually assaulted Absalom’s sister Tamar.  When that terrible deed went unpunished Absalom took matters into his own hands. He avenged the disgrace by killing Amnon then fled from Jerusalem to avoid David’s wrath.

David wasn’t a very good father and that may be why he let loose with his gut wrenching wail.  He wasn’t just lamenting the death of his son.  He was also lamenting his failures as a father. “O my son Absalom, my son, my son Absalom! Would that I had died instead of you, O Absalom, my son, my son!”

David knew that he was partly to blame for the rebellion which lead to Absalom’s death.

If you want to avoid a fight where everyone looses you can start by taking a good look at yourself. Instead of pointing a finger of blame at the other person take a good look at yourself and what you may have done to contribute to the problem.  By the way, that’s the advice that Jesus gave his followers in the Sermon on the Mount.  Do you remember what he said about taking the speck out of your neighbor’s eye?  Jesus said that you need to take the log out of your own eye before you try to take the speck out of your neighbor’s eye.  In other words, when your patience is running out the best thing you can do is step back and take a good look at yourself.  You ask yourself, “What did I do that may have contributed to this problem and what can I change about myself that might help solve the problem?”

A young student minister saw first hand what happens when you don’t do that.  One night he got a phone call informing him that the church organist had just been committed to a the psychiatric ward of a nearby hospital.  Her husband told the student minister that she was okay as long as she was taking her medicine, but she didn’t think she needed it any more.  So, she stopped taking it.  The husband asked them student minister to stop by and visit her.  Looking back on it the student minister wrote, “I was just a seminary student, a minister in training, not a psychiatrist.  I didn’t want to go.  I didn’t know what I could say that would make any difference.  But I was her pastor. As I entered the room, I saw her huddled over in the corner, gazing off into space, her eyes hauntingly empty.  I called her name softly, not wanting to startle her, but got no response. I walked over and knelt in front of her, placing my hand gently on her shoulder.  She looked at me then, but gave no sign of recognition for a moment. Then she whispered, in a shaky voice, ‘Preacher the bad people are winning and there’s nothing I can do.’  I managed to make it all the way back to my car before I broke down in tears. And the next day the chairman of the elders said, ‘You need to tell her to find another church.  We’ve got enough problems as it is.”

Sometimes it really is hard to tell the good guys from the bad guys.  David knew that he was partly to blame for the rebellion which lead to Absalom’s death.  On the other hand let’s not forget the mistake that Absalom made here.  What was Absalom’s mistake?  Absalom’s mistake was that he held on to his anger and his bitterness.  He held on to it and let it fester until it poisoned his heart and his soul.  He held on to it and let it fester until it filled him with an unquenchable thirst for revenge.

He ended up thinking and acting just like the guy whose vindictiveness got the best of him.  Steve Tran’s story appeared about 10 years ago in the Arizona Republic (4/25/95).  It all started when he got frustrated with the cockroaches in his apartment.  He got so fed up that he went out and bought 25 bug bombs.  “I really wanted to kill all of them,” he said.  “I thought if I used a lot more, it would last longer.” That’s not what happened though.  Instead when the intensified fumes reached the stove they ignited the pilot light which caused an explosion that sent his screen door flying across the street, broke all of the windows in his apartment and set his furniture on fire. The blast caused over $10,000 in damage and if you’re wondering what happened to the cockroaches Tran said, “By Sunday, I saw them walking around.”

Sometimes you just have to let it go.  You have to let the anger and the bitterness go. Otherwise you’re going to end up going down that path where everybody looses.  If you’re not sure about that let me ask you this question.  You’ve all heard of Cindy Sheehan right?  She’s the mother who began protesting against the War in Iraq after her son Casey died.  She’s been demanding a meeting with President Bush.  Now regardless of what you think about the War in Iraq do you really think that Cindy Sheehan is going to be any more at peace about her son’s death if she does end up meeting with the president?

Sometimes you just have to let it go.  You have to let the anger and the bitterness go. That’s true for Cindy Sheehan and it’s true for you and me.  It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about what’s going on in the Middle East or someone in the family who is way out of line.  It doesn’t matter if we’re talking about David and Absalom or the neighbor who is making you miserable.  Amen.

Rev. Dr. Richard A. Hughes

August 13, 2006